Starting at 10:02 with DirecTV

1-800-DirecTV. "Thank you for calling DirecTV. Calls may be monitored..."

To spare you the pain of staying on hold with me, I'll give you the short version. My family moved into a new house in June 2006. At the old house, we had DirecTV's Russian TV package - a real blessing to Katya. Since we moved, we've made 12 appointments with installers and countless phone calls with DirecTV to find someone to install an international dish. So far, we've got an assembled dish sitting in our side yard and a whole lot of apologies. We've also been promised free movie packages that we have yet to receive.

The last time I called, I begged them to send me instructions on how to install it. It can't be that hard.

Now I'm being told that they have no record of the dozen install appointments and I need to pay my past due before they can schedule another install. I'm reticent to give them another dime before getting the services I've requested time and again.

10:15. Still no closer to resolution. On hold again.

10:20. Transferred to International department.

Please wait.

Please wait.

We're sorry. Your call was unable to be completed. Please hang up and call the 800 number again.

Sigh.

10:22.